Are you Offended?

Easily offended raise your hands.

I had something happen today that has left me completely unsettled.  I have never had this happen before so I can only pray about it and get through it.  I went to church this morning as I do almost every Sunday.  I was scheduled to work Fusion patrol for the first service.  I arrived without any significant problems.  I walked into the lobby and felt out of place.  Immediately I was sad and asked myself why I was there?  I am not a critical servant in the church heirarchy.  Things will go on if I don’t show up, as a matter of fact I could have arrived today as an invisible individual and would have felt much the same as I did anyway. 

I sat down towards the front of the church because I was a little late getting into service and so the most seats available were in the front with the youth.  That was all ok I like our kids.  As worship came to a close and Dave started talking, it took every fiber of my being to stay seated.  An overwhelming feeling of sadness and doubt filled me and I just wanted to get up and run.  I had to talk myself into staying there.  I had to pray myself through this whole service just to make it to the end.  I left church after being chastised for a mix up in the Nucleus and didn’t even say see ya.  Satan’s lies were strong today.The voices in my head were saying “just walk out and don’t come back.  Cancel all obligations to Fusion and the youth group and don’t come back.  They won’t miss you who cares.  This church is not any different than the rest you have been to and left. You don’t matter.” Did people at church realize it?  No probably not , but I was easily offended.  I am not usually easily offended.    I have never felt so defeated.   I have never left without being inspired, I have never spent a Sunday in church feeling like I was being attacked by Satan and his minions.  I did today.

So my question I guess ,in this ever growing church community,  is do we really matter?  I love God and want to serve God.  I want God’s will to be clear to me and I want to have the strength to follow His will no matter what that means for me and my family.  I want to do the work that God has planned for me.  I want to make a difference for all the lost souls that matter.  I want people to know God.  As this walk heads into an uphill hike I know I must keep my faith and continue in His will.  I also realize that we (I) will be attacked and troubled more because Satan is trying everything in His arsenal to throw at us and keep us from Victory. I happen to know that as of late this is one of His favorite tactics with people at our church.

So the answer to the question is yes, everybody matters in this war, and the souls we save are the most important thing.  This is about God and not about me.  So if you ever have had a day like this and feel like you are not important and people are leaving you out, if you feel offended tell yourself, as I am telling myself,  Satan does not want us to win and will do anything to hold us back.  People matter and God’s plan for you matters so keep the faith and pray!

The Truth…

Moviepastor reminded me this week why I joined the Crosspoint mission in Decatur, AL.  It did start with something as simple as I didn’t have to dress up.  I am not expected to be someone that I am not.  I don’t have to pretend eveything in my life is great when the truth is life is messy, besides God already knows the truth why lie to yourself and everyone else.  God has chosen a plan and purpose for all of us,  not one is more significant or better than another.  The bottom line is we don’t belong to ourselves so we need to get over it.  We belong to Christ.  Jesus died for us all, He didn’t say I am saving the ones with nice clothes, a fat paycheck, and cool ride.  We are not here for ourselves, our desires and wishes don’t count.  God’s will is what is going to be done. Do you really think God will care when we roll up to the gates if we are in a BMW or a 1980 pick up with primer?  We lose sight sometimes when we get wrapped up in what we are doing and forget WHY we are doing it.  EVERYONE counts!  Making people feel like they belong and God loves them no matter where they are in life, no matter what they drive, no matter what they have done, or where they have been.  The whole point to church in my mind is that we bring sick and broken people in to get to know Jesus, we increase their knowledge and strength in The Word, we help them heal and take care of them as Christ has instructed. We fellowship and share our testimony. At some point new followers become experienced followers that want to help others find what they found.  We all grow together as a ‘body’ of believers each one of us following God’s plan to get us where we need to be and expanding the Truth we know.  That Truth does not involve how we dress, the color of our skin, or how we look when we show up on Sunday.  The Truth is Christ died for all of us, and it will take all of us to complete His charge.

You Think You Know…

 

I’m from a rather large good old-fashioned Catholic family.  I was born and raised up north in a small town in PA  just north of Pittsburgh. I was the youngest of 6 children and had 2 hard working parents.  My siblings were all considerably older so when my parents divorced, our family seemed to just splinter and everyone seemed to drift into their own lives.  My family has a history of alcohol abuse which played a significant role in our relationships or lack there of.

We all kind of kept in touch sparsely maybe an email here, phone call once a year at Christmas type thing.  All 4 of my brothers went into the military so they were scattered all over the world.  I was actually closer to my older siblings eventhough they were 12 and 13 years older than me.  My husband was military, they were too so we were all living a similar lifestyle.   My brother Tom in particular was the one sibling I felt connected to.  He was 12 years older than me but we just clicked, we liked computer technology we were in college at the same time, loved history, and music.  He was very talented and had a great sense of humor.  He was married with 3 great kids, retired from the AirForce and worked for Raytheon.  He always seemed to have his life together and was so on track.  You know what he didn’t have?  A connection with Christ.  You know how I know this?  He shot himself in the heart on December 7th, 2002.

I didn’t understand.  I was trying to figure out if Christ could forgive this one incredibly selfish act.  All of my church counseling had said that it was possible that he was under Satan’s influence and the anti-depressants he just stopped taking contributed. I thought I knew where I was at in my relationship with Christ and overnight realized maybe I knew nothing at all.  My family all arrived in Wichita Falls TX complete strangers that we were to try to comfort each other.  My mother was a mess and consequently never got over it.  She passed away 2 years later with great saddness in her heart.  You never really get over something like this.  I still cry when I hear the Beatles because they were his favorite.  I still don’t know why and never will know what was really in his heart.  I do know this…When you see people on the street, in church, at work, at school, at the grocery store, you never know what they are going through.  You may be the one and only person God has put in their path that day to keep them going.  Smile at people, help people, listen to people, God has our lives intertwined for a reason.  As Christians our light has to shine brighter and we have to reach out more.  Quoting scripture is not the only thing we are good for we have to connect with people each and every day to let them know we are there to help and they are not alone in this world.  We have to live the life that Christ wants us to live. I learned what it meant to turn to God.  I can not possibly convey the utter helpessness you feel at times like this but I knew I wasn’t alone.  God touched the lives of my co-workers and friends when I went through this horrible time.  It helped people around me that had suicide on there hearts to understand it really is devestating and God has a plan for you even in the darkness.  This experience in my life was another addition to the sum of me.  God has helped me grow in faith even in this kind of tragedy.  How has He helped you grow?

Count Your Blessings Today!

-J

I am supposed to have gifts and talents?

“We bring God glory by serving others with our gifts” -Purpose Driven Life.

The Lord did not bless me with the gift of music-can’t carry a tune in a bucket as they say. The Lord did not bless me with the gift of art-can’t draw a stick person really.  I am scriptually inept and lacking greatly in Biblical knowledge-The Lord did not bless me here either.  The obvious gifts are out so where does that leave me?  If the Lord created me with a plan already in mind and the sum of my experiences on earth are getting me ready for that plan then quite frankly at some point I might have missed the boat…

We experienced a traumatic event in our family some years ago that really rocked us all to the core and tested my faith greatly (i’ll save that story for another blog).  It really made me take a look at my life and relationships with family/friends.  I questioned my faith and I questioned what having faith really meant.  I started a journey to discover what my gifts and talents were and realized that my search may not ever end with a concrete answer.  I did all the on-line fill in the blanks, I read books, I questioned all my friends asking them “What do you think my gifts and talents are?”  Of course I was just beating my head against the wall and not really getting any closer to the answer I was looking for.  As I said this was some years ago, I gave up the ghost and accepted that I was just mediocre plain jane kind of girl and went on living my life.

In the Spring of 2008 my daughter talked me into attending Crosspoint church.  She had been going to Crosspoint pretty consistantly for a year or so, and was really excited about the people and the message.  The Holy Spirit was stirring in my heart and put it on me that I need to go check this out.  I was not attending church and my walk with Christ was at a stand still so what did I have to lose?  I experienced a spiritual awakening like never before.  I felt compelled to get involved and all of a sudden I was on fire for Christ.  I looked forward to Sunday morning and looked forward to going to church, (which had never happened before).  I have been getting involved and getting to know people.  Because of this church I have discovered my gifts and talents.  They are not concrete. The Lord supplies them to me as needed.  I have figured out I do have the gift of discernment and intuition where people are concerned.  The Lord puts it on my heart at strange times to pray for other people (I pray better for others not so much for myself) and The Lord let’s me know when I need to pick up the phone and call someone because they are hurting.  I have been blessed with the gift of service too, The Lord has provided opportunities for me to help others and I love it. 

The Lord continues to reveal to me everyday that I am placed right here right now by His hand to do His work and He alone deserves the Glory for all that I am accomplishing now.  Don’t ever think you are not good enough or talented enough and try to see yourself as God sees you. I discover daily that I have gifts and talents I never knew I had (singing not one of them hahaha).  When God asks me what I did with what He gave me I am now more confident that I am making Him smile…

Praise God

-J