You Think You Know…

 

I’m from a rather large good old-fashioned Catholic family.  I was born and raised up north in a small town in PA  just north of Pittsburgh. I was the youngest of 6 children and had 2 hard working parents.  My siblings were all considerably older so when my parents divorced, our family seemed to just splinter and everyone seemed to drift into their own lives.  My family has a history of alcohol abuse which played a significant role in our relationships or lack there of.

We all kind of kept in touch sparsely maybe an email here, phone call once a year at Christmas type thing.  All 4 of my brothers went into the military so they were scattered all over the world.  I was actually closer to my older siblings eventhough they were 12 and 13 years older than me.  My husband was military, they were too so we were all living a similar lifestyle.   My brother Tom in particular was the one sibling I felt connected to.  He was 12 years older than me but we just clicked, we liked computer technology we were in college at the same time, loved history, and music.  He was very talented and had a great sense of humor.  He was married with 3 great kids, retired from the AirForce and worked for Raytheon.  He always seemed to have his life together and was so on track.  You know what he didn’t have?  A connection with Christ.  You know how I know this?  He shot himself in the heart on December 7th, 2002.

I didn’t understand.  I was trying to figure out if Christ could forgive this one incredibly selfish act.  All of my church counseling had said that it was possible that he was under Satan’s influence and the anti-depressants he just stopped taking contributed. I thought I knew where I was at in my relationship with Christ and overnight realized maybe I knew nothing at all.  My family all arrived in Wichita Falls TX complete strangers that we were to try to comfort each other.  My mother was a mess and consequently never got over it.  She passed away 2 years later with great saddness in her heart.  You never really get over something like this.  I still cry when I hear the Beatles because they were his favorite.  I still don’t know why and never will know what was really in his heart.  I do know this…When you see people on the street, in church, at work, at school, at the grocery store, you never know what they are going through.  You may be the one and only person God has put in their path that day to keep them going.  Smile at people, help people, listen to people, God has our lives intertwined for a reason.  As Christians our light has to shine brighter and we have to reach out more.  Quoting scripture is not the only thing we are good for we have to connect with people each and every day to let them know we are there to help and they are not alone in this world.  We have to live the life that Christ wants us to live. I learned what it meant to turn to God.  I can not possibly convey the utter helpessness you feel at times like this but I knew I wasn’t alone.  God touched the lives of my co-workers and friends when I went through this horrible time.  It helped people around me that had suicide on there hearts to understand it really is devestating and God has a plan for you even in the darkness.  This experience in my life was another addition to the sum of me.  God has helped me grow in faith even in this kind of tragedy.  How has He helped you grow?

Count Your Blessings Today!

-J